If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're feeling conflicted about your involvement in the radqueer community. Maybe you're starting to realize that it isn't the safe, understanding space you once thought it was. Maybe you're starting to see that the values it promotes don't align with who you truly want to be. And that's okay. Change is hard, but it’s also brave and necessary when something isn’t right for you anymore.
Leaving the radqueer community can feel isolating or even terrifying, especially if you’ve been made to believe that there’s no support for people like you outside of it. But that’s not true. There are spaces that will welcome and support you—no matter your past actions, thoughts, or experiences. No matter the struggles or labels that brought you into radqueer circles, there are non-radqueer communities that will accept you and help you heal.
One of the most damaging things the radqueer community can do is convince people that their intrusive thoughts or paraphilias define them, that those thoughts or desires are their "true selves." If you’ve ever identified with labels like "transnazi" due to intrusive thoughts, trauma, or any other reason, you’re not alone. And more importantly—you’re not defined by those thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts, especially when tied to conditions like OCD, don’t reflect your true desires or intentions. They’re just that—thoughts. They’re symptoms of a disorder, not a reflection of your character. Radqueer rhetoric may tell you that these thoughts are secret wishes or who you "really are," but that’s a harmful lie. You are so much more than your intrusive thoughts, and there are healthier, safer communities where you’ll be seen for who you truly are.
If you’re dealing with disorders like POCD or ZOCD, know that there is always a path forward that doesn’t involve indulging those harmful thoughts. You don’t have to give in to them, and you don’t have to stay in a community that tells you it’s okay to do so. There are spaces that will support you in managing these thoughts without making you feel like they define you or that you're irredeemable.
Many people find themselves in radqueer spaces as a way of coping with trauma. If you've identified with certain harmful or "edgy" labels because of your trauma, I want you to know this: you are not your abusers or oppressors. Trauma can make us do things we don’t fully understand or believe in, especially when we’re searching for a way to cope with the pain. But that doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t mean you’re destined to stay trapped in those patterns.
Leaving the radqueer community doesn’t mean you’re rejecting your pain or your past experiences—it means you’re choosing to heal in a way that isn’t harmful to you or others. And you don’t have to go through that process alone. Whether it’s trauma, mental illness, or just the overwhelming need to belong, there are people outside of radqueer spaces who get it. They’ll support you, love you, and help you grow without weaponizing your trauma against you.
It’s okay if you like fiction that others might find controversial. But you also don’t need to cling to a community that pressures you into believing that consuming that kind of media is a reflection of your identity or worth. You can enjoy complex, difficult stories while also recognizing their problematic elements and understanding that they don’t have to define who you are. There are spaces where you can explore your interests in fiction without being coerced into unhealthy ideologies.
If you’ve been in the radqueer community for a while, there’s a chance you’ve done things you regret. Maybe you’ve supported harmful ideologies or even hurt others in the process. The guilt that comes with realizing you’ve caused harm can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember this: change is possible. Everyone makes mistakes, and the most important thing is that you’re willing to acknowledge those mistakes and grow from them.
You can’t force others to forgive you, but you can start by forgiving yourself. Healing is a journey, and it starts with self-acceptance. It’s okay to admit that you were wrong—it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. And you don’t have to carry the weight of your past forever. There are people outside of radqueer spaces who understand that growth is a process and who will support you as you work to become the person you want to be.
If you’re thinking about leaving the radqueer community, know that you’re not alone in your feelings. Many people have been where you are—questioning whether this space is really where they belong, feeling trapped by the fear that no one else will understand or accept them. But the truth is, there are people who understand. There are communities that will support you in your journey, whether you’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts, paraphilias, trauma, or just the need for a sense of belonging.
Leaving isn’t easy, and there will be moments when you doubt yourself, when you feel the urge to return to what’s familiar. But you deserve to heal. You deserve to be in a space that values you for who you are, not for the labels you’ve been pressured to accept. There is life beyond the radqueer community, and it’s waiting for you with open arms.
You’re not defined by your past, and you’re not alone in wanting to move forward. There’s a whole world of people who understand your struggles and will welcome you as you are, no matter what brought you here. Change is hard, but you’re brave enough to make it. And wherever you go next, know that you are loved, you are supported, and you can find peace outside of radqueer spaces.
This section is incomplete.
regardless of where you are on your journey, we highly suggest you check out the mental health resources page. some specific things i suggest are: